It’s 3AM and I’m suppose to blog about my feelings? Okay. I need to blog, that’s what it is.
I’m feeling tired right now but let’s move that feeling away and get to what I’m really feeling, scared.
College is a couple weeks away and I don’t know if I’m ready. So what is it that I’m afraid of?
- Not making enough friends. I’m sorta awkward at the beginning and when I tell myself to loosen up, i go blank. I realized that yesterday when I was hanging out with my cousins. What if my classroom is one of those places where I sit next to people who are like super into the lesson and the class that they don’t say, “Oh hey, you new here? You look interesting. Let’s hang out!” I want friends! White friends preferably that drive and say, “Hey after class let’s go to In-N-Out? You down?” But when it comes to our first encounter you have to say a quirky joke about the lesson or teacher and I’ll add to it and hopefully you’ll like it. And then slowly add to it as we meet up in classes and be like, “Hey let’s study together!” And then our compatibility would be so cool we become best friends and the type of best friends that hang out outside of school, no nerdy shit that involves hanging out on campus. (That causes me a major eye roll to you).
- Not passing my classes!!!!!! I need to get all A’s and I’m determined to do so, because dirty, amazing, Long Beach’s transfer grades are expected to be high. But you know what, I can do this! I just need to like let loose right? I went to ratemyproffesors.com, a fucking website nobody told me about, to see what students say about my teachers and ugh my English teacher is the one I’m worried about. First of all, I’ve heard this sort of class is hard but the teacher is even harder. Lot’s of students don’t like him and they even recommend not to take the class…. WELL WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS CLASS BEFORE I ENROLLLED INTO MY CLASSES? But I’ve learned I need to calm and not to start class with that mentality. I’m being christian, and going all positive thoughts.
- Change. Change is another thing and I don’t know how I’m going to react to this. I guess we’ll see how that goes.