Last year i blogged about what the VMA’s would be like if i hosted. But this year, i have a better vision.
2013, the year to discover what celebrities really are, not by what they’re not. Lindsey Lohan coming to the stage, “Why do you guys hate me? i’m actullay going to rehab for myself. I could bust an Amy Winehouse and not go. I think it’s just you guys mad that i’m a quote on quoute wreck that still gets roles in movies.” Pitbull coming to stage, “Say dale, mumble 3 spanish songs, list 4 cities and you now have an Pitbull song? What the fuck is this?! My Latin Songwriter of the Year award is offended.” Me speaking, “Here to come on stage is Seth Meyers!” Seth Myers to the stage, “Hey what’s up. You don’t mind if we do a weekend update here on the show right?” “Oh no not at all” And a bunch of men come to the stage and set up the desk in 5 seconds. Me speaking, “Miley Cyrus comes to the red carpet with a shirt that says, Summer vacation never ends. Is that why teen pregnancy is still an epidemic?” “No that’s because Miley’s song We Can’t Stop.” Me speaking, “Lady Gaga is about to take the stage to perform her new single. When asked about her thoughts on the show she replied, ‘Shut up before i make a version of Born this way video of giving birth to Jo calderones face and then burning it with vinager oil.’ All I have to say is: Woah that was deep and i can’t wait to see that performance.”
Me pulling Zac Efron and seductively kissing him in the mouth and yell, “Be jealous bitches.”
If you didn’t know this, Brooklyn is full of drag queens. In this part of the show i would outro the song to Beyonce singing Run The World (
girls gays) with the Drag Queens dancing in the background. And Twin Steven from Vine saying the last words: Yes we do.
A skit with me barging into One Direction’s dressing room: “What are you guys doing? You guys aren’t nomianted this year.” Louis speaking, “Niall is going to year blonde extentions and disguise himself as Amanda Bynes and steal every moonman that way they don’t know it was us who did it.” Me speaking,” Why Niall do all the work? Zayn can be Kim Kardashian, Harry can be Emma Watson, Louis can be Matt Smith and Liam can be Lana Del Rey. Go go go go!”
Break is over, now all cams on me. And shakira. “You know Daniel, bitches think i can’t actually belly dance now that i had a kid, well they’re wrong. And my hips don’t lie.” *The music plays and she’s killing it to Addicted To You.*
Me going down the audience and dancing our asses off to Kiss You By One Direction because they didn’t get a nomination. (This is the part where they steal the moon mans. And in the end Zayn is kind enough to give one to Lady Gaga.)
Lady Gaga and Beyonce coming to the stage: Gaga speaking, “This year me and Beyonce didn’t get any nominations. Which is alright cause were still flawless.” Beyonce,” And we’ll always have more Grammys than you guys will ever have.” Gaga speaking, “So with all that said, HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO TWERKING WITH DANIEL.” And we twerk our asses off to “Don’t drop that dada dum…” What ever the song is called.
And to close the show we have all the Lovatics dancing our asses off to Made In The USA.
I would tell you when the VMA’s are but i’m not hosting this year so you go find out yourself.