Fiction Friday

Fiction Friday: The Disneyland Creative Director Job Interview

Word is that we need a new creative director here in Disneyland. And the first person is coming in today! Oh gosh. I wonder what h- someone is knocking. Oh gosh it’s him!
“Come in!” I yell. And a young red hair, good looking guy, comes in. He has that disney look.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Bob,” I say as i shake his hand.
“Hi I’m Jonathan.”
“Take a seat Jonathan.”
“So let’s start the interview. Tell me about yourself.”
“Well I live in East LA. Born and raised there my whole life. On my free time i like to read next to a really nice smelling trash can. Not a smelly one.”
“Oh you read books? What kind of books?”
“I only read books about mice.”
“Oh nice. What else? Hobbies?”
“I like to play basketball with the underpriveldge kids in my neighborhood,” finally something good about him. “It’s funny cause we try to get the homeless men to play with us. The kids say it’s nice when i talk to them and while I do so they go and tickle his feet.” Oh my. That’s where they keep their money. “They’re bright kids.”
“Oh cool. Looking at your resume you worked at Chuck E Cheese. Tell me what was the hardest thing you’ve done there?”
“Cleaning the throw up.”
“Oh that sucks.”
“It was actually my throw up sir. Everytime a kid screams i get scared and throw up. It reminds me of the type of scream Lindsay Lohan would scream if she got her vagina cut up by Chuckie from Rugrats.”
“Um… Well that sucks. You do understand the position here is creative director of Disneyland parks.”
“Oh I know. I have a vision of not only letting kids bring in their mice pets to the park but I someday would like to see Disneyland covered in brown goob. Like slime but brown slime. Brown slime everywhere. On the rides, the buildings, even on the toilets! Running down like Ice Cream does in a cone, on a hot day.” Everyone is going to think it’s poop. I’ve never said this but, HE’S CRAY.
“That is so cool! I can totally see that. Do you perfer working on teams or alone?”
“Teams! I wanna make friends. Hopefully i can get a co-worker to fullfil my dream of having a threesome with Donald Duck. He has a big beak if you know what i mean.” He’s winking at me. Oh gosh i’m so done.
“Noted. Next question. Is there a type of work environment you prefer?”
“I would like to work in the big castle. I use to think when I was a kid that Swiper from Dora The Exploradora lives there. And i still kinda believe it.”
“Saying he does live there, why there?”
“He’s Ginger like me.”
“Oh understandable. Final question in three words describe to me what does Disneyland mean to you.”
“Sexy, Asian, and hairy.” I don’t even want to ask.
“Thank you now you may please leave. I’ll call you if you got the job.”
“Thanks! Nice to meet you.”
Well THAT was the weirdest job interview I’ve ever been on.

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