My day

A Guide For A Day To The Beach In California For Men (Women Can Relate Too If You Think About It)

Make sure you

  1. Have your toe nails cut.
  2. Have no foot fungus.
  3. Don’t have very hairy legs.
  4. Bring a towel.
  5. Bring sun block.
  6. Hairy chest. And what i mean by a hairy chest is hairs around your nipples.
  7. Shave your “happy trail.” A little of hairs is okay but not alot.
  8. Bring flip flops
  9. And be prepared for any staring.

Unless you don’t give a shit about what everyone says or thinks, feel free to exit out. Oh no wait, i’m not done telling you why i’m writing this.

I was a victim of all of the above listed yesterday. I. Was. Suffering. Explanation number one: I rarely cut my finger nails (I’m getting the giggles blogging about this but swagever.) unless they are bugging me. I was going to cut them yesterday morning but i forgot, as always. Explanation number two: I’ve had feet fungus my whole life. Those bitches just will never leave. And i believe the reason why is because i have eczema. But i don’t know. I’m not a doctor don’t ask me. And i thought i didn’t have any cause they come and go. But no. I was wrong. They were there. And it was scared all around my poor innocent feet. I’m sorry feet. Don’t blame me. Blame my stupid family for passing it on to me. Explanation number three: I can’t shave my legs. My mom will get a heart attack. She won’t let me. She thinks it’s for girls. But what ever. I just won’t wear shorts. Unless it’s for the beach of course. Explanation number four: I forgot. We were leaving to the beach right after Saturday school and didn’t want to make my bag look fat with the towel inside of it. I regret that choice. Explanation number five: I forgot and didn’t think. Had to use some one elses. How embarrassing. Explanation number six: No comment. But i will say i had to take my shirt off cause everyone told me to and because my shirt was already getting wet within 3 feet inside the shore. Explanation number seven: Skip. Explanation number eight: Don’t have any. I hardly go to the pool or the beach cause i don’t like to take my shirt off. It’s obvious i’m insecure. Explanation number nine: Everyone at the beach was staring at my shirtless body.

Worst of it all, i was with my friends that day. They were the fuckers who asked me to come along with them, made me, more like seduced, me to take my shirt off, and the one’s who wanted to get in the ocean. I don’t even want to know if they saw my feet. I was trying my hardest to dig them in the sand.

Let’s look at the bright side bitches: I had a good time. I overcame the cold water and left out of the water 5 minutes after. Ate subway. (I’m acting like a poor kid including i ate subway. Nothing good really happened that day.) And I think I have a new best friend. It’s about damn time!

More “Make sure’s” I Object Explaining

  1. You don’t ever make your screams or what not, reacting to the cold water.
  2. You don’t change in the public restrooms, they are discussing and don’t have doors.
  3. You are a good swimmer to catch up with your friends at the deep end of the ocean.
  4. You don’t step on see weed. (You may think it’s a jelly fish and jump up and get a heart attack.)
  5. You don’t leave your stuff un-attended. Just because nothing hasn’t gotten stolen doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
  6. You avoid sun burning your neck.
  7. You shower at the beach. Your hair will feel thick and weird.
  8. Your all dried up before you put your shirt back on.

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