What's on my mind

Some Infinites Are Bigger Than Others

I haven’t blogged the last couple days because i just found out the person i had a crush on doesn’t love me back. I understand there is plenty fish in the sea but i’ve just can’t believe all that time i spent on the fish, is all gone. I guess i just gotta keep on swimming. It’s relief though that i can continue writing my novel based on the fish. The moments me and the fish had together was unforgetable. But could it be something to forget? No. I guess i just need time to process it. I use to always reblog post on tumblr of the typical “Please Stay” quotes. Feeling a sense of finally relating to the amazing pictures on tumblr. You know i’m trying to be happy but with The Fault In Our Stars being over i can’t. I loved that book. That book made me happy. It was my escape to that bitchy fishing, reminding me there are nicer fishes out there. That book made me forget everything. “Some of my favorite people come from books.” Reffering to Hazel and Augustus. But turns the book didn’t come into my life at the right time. I wish i read it now as a sense of getting over the jerky fish. But it’s okay guys cause my favorite show, Awkward. is back, I watched the premier already and it was perfect. Totally the unexpected.

But it’s official! I have finished The fault in our stars. It’s now my favorite book. Seems like each good book i read becomes my new favorite book. But this book has it reasons. I was reading this book during spanish class and the jock from my classroom told me it was a good book, confirming it’s The Fault In Our Stars cause he was tapping on it when passing by. All i said or doing, was nodding and sorta smiling as confirming it’s a great book. I didn’t say much cause my teacher told us to shut up. Or rather him.

Now that i have “my best friend” back into my life, she’s feels what i feel. “I was just telling my boyfriend that i want to be happy but i can’t cause your not happy,” she told me while on the phone the other night. Which i now understand what she means isn’t as obsessive as it seems, writing it here. But it always annoys me when asking, “Are you okay?” Yes but now i’m not. But i say yes for her to not worry about my mental health. It’s funny that mental health is an actual scientific word.

The funny thing is that i was just dancing like crazy. Im a huge pop star dreamer so i was imagining i was in a music video dancing like crazy and wrecklously. And i imagined the sweat that came out of me was the paint to a potrait, splashing onto the canvas. The funny thing was that there was no music. Now that i think about it, Marry the night would be perfect for my pop indian dance.

Sometimes the infinities of me wanting happiness in my life is bigger than my current infinite, a crazy bi-polar bitch. Until then, my wonderland will be pulling each plug, inserting a new one. Now that Nicki And Sarah Live is over, life has no appeal. I loved and love that show. When the fuck is it coming back!? Better be back this fall. Or else ima tweet the fuck to Nicki And Sarah. Let’s see how how my infinite will fit in with my wonderland and reality.

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