Other Fiction

Oh Mother It Was Hot

“Yo bro!” Screams out my roommate,” Your mother called! Call her. She said something about Oppa gangnam style is the new style… i dunno” “Okay.” What the heck? Why would she listen to Gangnam style? She’s old. But what ever she’s got the money to buy music for her jello-moving-body to dance to.
I call her and she answers immediately.
“Hey son! Finally you called! I’ve been missing you. OPPA GANGNAM STYLE! OOOOOOOOH HORNY LADY! HORNY LADY! thats me.”
“Mom! I don’t want to know that your horny. Though that is a bit interesting. Maybe i shall tweet it and get them bitches on twitter tweet me back and i’ma be like. “You mad bro!? Cause your not a bro. Your a twitter bitch. So don’t be jelous of my sugah in my blood. Cause i love to eat sugah so that mean’s i have some mad fucking sugah inside of me.”
“Uh la la! My son is cursing. Good job! Does your butt still vibrate when you cuss?”
“Yes mother. It’s quiet funny actually. The other day i was getting my Harry styles wanna be grove on, trying to be attractive and having sex with a blond, i was like saying ‘You go bitch! Oh yeah! We might never ever get back together but this sex is off the hook. Banzinga! Keep it coming you bubblegum bitch. Cause that bubblegum inside your mouth is making you become a bitch.’ Oh mother it was so hot.”
“I’m so proud of you son. Just like your dad. Smiley face in the background. Which is me smiling. HEHE. Now you wanna come over and maybe dance to Teeth by Lady gaga? I can probably have my dentist come over and floss our teeth while we dance. It’s possible ya know. I saw in a cartoon.”
“Oh cool! Um sure i’ll come tomorrow after i’m done cleaning the inside of the my pillows with Coffee. Coffee is a great sorce to clean pillows ya know!? Like last night when i was having sex with, the blond chick i was telling you about. When she was done putting up with my small hot dog winnie, LOL JK. But anyways she somehow manage it to release it from her butthole and onto my pillow. Oh mother it was so hot.”
“I bet! Maybe i shall try doing that next time i screw your boss.”
“My boss from work?”
“Yes.”
“Oh try to convince him to give me a raise! I need money to buy some books so that i can wipe my butt with the pages. I heard in a new study that if you clean your bum after pooping, with book pages, it makes you smarter. The print on the pages go inside your butt whole, inside the body, making it’s way up the brain. And boom! The information is there! Imagine Kim Kardashian doing that! I would pay McDonalds coupons to see that. Oh mom that would be so hot.”
“Oh cool son. Maybe i’ll try that. But don’t worry i’ll make him give you a raise. If you know what i mean. Wink face.”
“I do. Can you believe that chic that works at McDonalds keeps on sending me coupons from McDonalds!?”
“She likes you son. It’s obvious. Have you had sex with her yet?”
“No yet. I heard she’s very kinky. I saw a video of her having oral sex with this dude. She spread-ed ketchup all around his body and licked it. And boom! Baby snakes come out of her nipples. That part was obviously computer animated. Or maybe not. It’s actually possible so who knows. But gosh, that was so hot mom.”
“Interesting. Maybe i should make your boss a video.”
“EW MOM! Let’s change the subject.”
“Fine. Anyways your boss is here.” She starts to whisper, “Make sure you send me those handcuffs in 5 minutes.”
“But mom i can’t! I’m too busy inserting coffee inside my butt whole.”
“SON! I DON’T GIVE A! YOU NEED THAT RAISE TO PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT.”
“I’m not a dad though.”
“No but your mom is… Go figure.”

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