What's on my mind

Myself? Wonderland Myself? Or Just Plain Awkward?

Why can’t it be so easy to be yourself? Well i am being myself, but not what i picture myself. I act a certain way but in reality i’m the complete opposite. It’s as if i’m a completly different person than i would if i had my own tv show, than with a group of friends. I have a feeling that happens with most talk hosts. Like Chelsea Handler. I was just picturing how i would be like if i had my own segment on my school tv show. I wouldn’t even call it that but whatevers. And i just wish i was that person. But when it comes to the moment in reality with friends, it’s like it all goes blank. I even studder when i talk to my friends. And try to fix it by saying, blaha ah! and say what i was going to say. What should i talk about? There’s has to be a topic. Oh they wouldn’t care about that. What should i say in response? Those are all thoughts that go on my mind when in a convo with my friends. Though i wonder what my friends think about me. Am i awkward? Shy? The weird one? Like Sheldon from the big bang theory would say, If i invented the time machine i would go back in time and give myself advice. Or maybe a fancy gadget created in the future to help me be more myself. Though i don’t see that happening. I don’t even like science. How could i make a time machine?

Is it even weird to say that i pre prepare what to say? I do it but when i comes to the moment i forget it all. That’s how boring and awkward i am. I don’t think it would be weird though cause i saw a post like that on tumblr with thousands of notes so.

Maybe that’s me being awkward. So who knows.

This is where my marina and the diamonds wonderland starts to kick in. I just want to make a big mistake. A lyric from Teen Idle.

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