Fiction Friday

Fiction Friday: Betty White: The New Joan Rivers

Hello everyone i’m Betty White! I just discovered what Facebook is and i believe it’s a huge waste of time. People think just because i’m old it doesn’t mean i’m not aware of whats going on with the world but i actually do. I remember the time i saw the picture of Prince Harry nude and fell to the floor. So hot. Joan Rivers personally emailed it to me. Can you believe it? I know i can. Joan talks about kinky shit all the time on her show, Fashion Police. Joan has been a friend. I like her and that’s because she’s never talked bad about me on her show. The thing is, i don’t walk on red carpet events. The red carpet is so long and i’m super slow. But next time i’m on Fashion Police i’ll personally make a documentary about Joan Rivers and how celebrities hate her because i know Joan has saved up a joke on me ever since The Proposal came out. That’s if i’m alive. I like acting but one thing i love doing is watching Jersey Shore. I don’t know about the Situation but i know i have a Situation down there if you know what i’m talking about… Sami, your so pretty you don’t have to tan! When ever you tan you look like a brown monkey. Now Snooki, i wish i was you in an another life. I know you, Snooki, love crocodiles but how about crabs? They live in the sea too. Plus you can relate to crabs cause you have it! Haven’t you heard? Your pubes that was found at the club, Karma, was found on the floor that fell from your cuhka. Okay i gotta stop i sound just like Joan Rivers. I got one joke for the crowd. Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee! That’s the only joke i know because i love tea and this lady told me the joke when i was at Teavana. That’s all the time we have now, we have a great show here tonight on SNL. Marina and the diamonds is performing her newest single, Madonna Is Old And Not A Primadonna.

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