Well today Zayn pulled the trigger. He pulled the trigger and broke my heart. Why? Cause it’s fucking him. Today during school he told me to call him. I was thinking, Call him? During school?Hm that’s strange. Maybe he’s anxious for us to be in a relationship! Ah! Omg i wanna call him right nowwww. But turns out i was wrong. Like always. He wanted to tell me he just wants to be friends for now. He wants someone that he see’s everyday not someone that he see’s every weekend. Which i understand, but we can work something out. He was saying the typical, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Ofcourse it is! I told him that i had to go cause i had to go to class. To be honest, it broke my heart. I really did fall in love with him. I just told him i liked him on friday and now he doesn’t want a relationship? Like i have feelings ya know! We were never official but we have been talking, hoping one or another would make the move and making it official. But i guess he doesn’t. It just fucking sucks! Once i heard the, “I just want to be friends.” part on the phone, i added the explosion sound effect inside my head like in the movies, making it more dramatic. And whispered, Bitch, when i ended the call. I thought we were forever. The laughs we had, the faces we did on Facetime, when we would interupt each other, when we would tell other our stories, those are the moments that i will never forget. And the moments that made me fall in love. He was my first true love and now its all gone. Shrug. All day i’ve thinking about him. I just can’t believe it’s all gone. I was even crying. Well just some teardrops.
I just texted him saying, To be honest it kinda did break my heart when you called me today… I just told you i like’d you on friday and i thought you like’d me back. I didn’t want to win him over by my sadness i just wanted him to know that. For future reference i guess. He’s so cute and adorable… I just can’t face reality. Reality is such a bitch. That’s why i blog in a wonderland.
Ke$ha’s album is a curse. I was listening to her heartbreak songs and thinking, good thing this hasn’t happen’d to me… Yet. And then the next day, today, it all came true. Now alot of the lyrics on her album i can relate. “Couldn’t help it when we met, I was playing hard to get. But one look and that was it. Now it doesn’t matter.”(Only Dance With You) Referring to our first and only date. You’re all I wanna do. I only wanna dance with you. Whatever I got to do. I want you to myself tonight, All right. I only wanna dance with you.” (Only Dance With You) Referring with my feelings i still have with him. Wherever you are you are forever on my mind Wherever you are know that our love will never die Wherever you are, wherever you are Love will never die Wherever you are, wherever you are.Nothing can last forever But I’ll always remember Those nights we spent together ” (Wherever you are). “I was down for you hardcore While you were out trying to score Found out you’re full of it I’m over it so suck my dick. I heard our song on the radio And I see your face everywhere I go I’ve been thinking of you, thinking of you-hoo-hoo But now my song’s on the radio And you see my face everywhere you go I thought I’d call just to let you know I’ve been thinking of you, thinking of you-hoo-hoo.” (Thinking of you). I’d say this song, thinking of you, was the biggest curse. Cause i only listened to the album once last night and listened to his song like 5 times last night. It’s such a good song. The good thing of all of this is that i dance to this music with the sense of missing you. I still love Ke$ha. Cause now i can totally relate to her music.